So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Did you just see the Batmobile???
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
