i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
