On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
