Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
