Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
