we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
