I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
now i know why i became what i already was.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
