Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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