someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
