I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
