I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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