I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
