Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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