Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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