Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
