So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
