he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
