his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
