Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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