I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
