This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
