3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
