I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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