how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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