Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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