So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize