if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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