I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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