grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think my fart just growled at me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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