I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
