I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
