Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
