"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
