Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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