i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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