then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
