Ketchup is God's man juice
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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