We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
