oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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