i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Do vagina's smell?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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