living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
