On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
