Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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