so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Soap is not a condiment
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
