she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
