so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
