god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
where does the pee come out of this thing
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
