Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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