Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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