Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize