The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so let's talk penis.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
