its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
