So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
