I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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