Tell her she can't have a vagina
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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