you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
