He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
