Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
