Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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