Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
