Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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