I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize