I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
