If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
