I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
