even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize