It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
