There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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