There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
