its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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