Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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