I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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