I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
