just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
