I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
