one might say we're banned from that church
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
