I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
