I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
