I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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