woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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