Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
