i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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