my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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