I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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