I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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