she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
