Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
