I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
