I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
