this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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