ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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