i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
