The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize