I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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