I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
